Capitaan dildo arrescate!
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
