I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
