The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
