does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
