He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
you never un-have a 4some
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
