There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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