Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
