he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
