Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
