My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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