was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
