She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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