Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
