dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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