We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
