I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
