You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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