so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
