wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
