Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
We are two peas in an std pod
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
