Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
