Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
