idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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