Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
