Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
