So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
