Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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