I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
