I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
