She said her name was "party"
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
