dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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