Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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