I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
