i don't like sucking hair
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
this is an emotional support booty call
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