What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
