So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
