What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
