I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
