aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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