allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i think i scared a bird with my dick
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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