You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
