I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
