I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
