ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
