Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
