she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
