My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
