oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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