Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
