I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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