I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
When are your genitals available?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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