Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
