I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
