can we get nightvision for the apartment?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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