I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
