i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
