i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Randomize
