Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
