Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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